It's Tour Group Season

Summertime means the local college campuses are pretty quiet. There are a few summer students around and maybe a conference or two, but apart from that, campuses are oddly still. Except, of course, that summer is prime season for college tours. This is the time of year when hopelessly out-of-touch parents and apathetic high schoolers waste a week of summer vacation roadtripping around the Northeast, stopping at every college and university on the way.

Now maybe I'm just bitter because my first tour guide at St. Mike's totally lied (she said only one of the two required religious studies classes had to be about Christianity, but no! They both do. Other religions can only be electives), or maybe it's just endlessly entertaining to see the uber-perky tour guides get thrown off their games, but I've always enjoyed a good tour group disruption.

Do You Know Where Your Campus Newspaper Is?

So I was walking through the Alliot Student Center on Friday morning when I noticed something awry in the west doorway to the building. This area is where most free publications are dropped off — Seven Days, a variety of free magazines, and the bulk of the copies of The Defender. Well, this past Friday, I noticed that all the copies of The Defender were gone. There were four stacks in that very spot the day before.

I knew people had taken a heightened interest in campus media this week, but that seemed a bit excessive. It was difficult not to wonder if the disapperance was related to the unflattering stories about the S.A. E-board published in The Defender and The Echo earlier that week. But then again, the story about the E-board's food purchases broke too late to be published in print. The top story in the paper was the (relatively less ugly) story about a potentially invalid S.A. amendment vote. (There was a lovely picture of a St. Michael's student working with Dominican children on a service trip there too, but no one ever gets worked up about those stories...)

Of course, Friday was the beginning of Family Weekend and the next day was an Accepted Students Day, so a lot of people had an interest in making the campus look as harmonious as possible for this past weekend.

I let The Defender advisers and executive editor know about the disapperence, and in turn the St. Michael's Office of Public Safety and Security got on the case. They recovered the missing bundles of papers later Friday afternoon and returned them to their usual Alliot place. The Free Press picked up the story and published a short story about the situation on Saturday.

The perpetrator has not been publicly identified, though. Was it an S.A. associate angry about the recent negative press? Was it a member of college administration who didn't want parents or prospective students to see any negative news stories? Was it a janitor on their first day of work who didn't know that was the preferred spot for newspapers? Was a party-happy student looking to build a bonfire later that night? We'll never know...

Recently, 3,000 issues of Catholic University's student newspaper were trashed around campus, apparently in protest of the paper's discussion of gay rights. The Student Press Law Center has an alarmingly long list of similar cases around the country. If wannabe censors are motivated to silence a story, it seems that trashing papers only attract more press and attention.

As for the St. Michael's incident...well, I hope future bonfire-starters will consider using wood instead.

Lip Sync

Not all college students spend every second studying for those exams. Check out Champlain student Laura and her roommate "singing" some familiar tunes.

Watch the video here.

No Freshmen on the Sidewalks

A group of Princeton University students have been collecting signatures on Princeton's Proposition 8, which would restore the "traditional" definition of sidewalks — i.e. that freshmen aren't allowed to use them. They can walk on the grass right alongside, though. Separate but equal. Check out the video:

Oh, those clever Ivy Leaguers.

What Will Barack Do For You, College Student?

Almost all of the Vermont college kids voted for Barack Obama, but how many of them actually know what his plan is for higher education, and how it will affect them?

One thing Obama stresses is that he would like higher education to be more accessible, and so, he proposed a fully refundable tax credit to cover the first $4,000 in college tuition costs. Not just any tax credit, this is the American Opportunity Tax Credit. According to Obama, "This universal and fully refundable credit will ensure that the first $4,000 of a college education is completely free for most Americans, and will cover two-thirds the cost of tuition at the average public college or university and make community college tuition completely free for most students." The only requirement for the money would be 100 hours of public service per year.

Yes, that's nice and all but let's be honest, it's a small drop in a big bucket. The real issue is the outrageous cost of college, something I'm not sure Obama's plan reduces. It's not $4k each semester, this is a one-time-thing.

Brainwashed Students Elect Teenybopper

If you've paid attention to the hotly contested political races like the Ram, Zuckerman and Pearson 3-4 battle, you've surely noticed that college voters played a pivotal role in the outcome. But you might not have heard about the Grafton County (NH) treasury battle between Republican incumbent Carrol Elliott and Democrat Vanessa Sievers. Sievers, a 20 year-old Dartmouth student, defeated Elliott by 600 votes out of 42,000 cast.

How did Elliot feel about it? She believes she lost because of "brainwashed" college students, adding that students just voted for the Democratic ticket and Sievers is a "teenybopper." The "real" voters endorsed Elliott on the ballot.

It's hard to argue that Elliott comes off as an immature sore loser, but how valid are her comments? Siever targeted Dartmouth and Plymouth State students, primarily through Facebook. Dartmouth has a total enrollment of less than 6,000 students and Plymouth State has roughly 5,000. Even if all voters from both schools filled in the Democratic ticket, that's about 1/4th of all votes cast. Students may have made a difference but they alone did not decide the election.

Elliott, though, may be right to be upset. Temporary residents are making important decisions for a county, something I bet many full-time residents find alarming. At the same token, if they were truly concerned they would have voted for Elliott. This is the strange, two-sided coin of democracy. It does, however, beg the question — how informed are college students?

Well, what do you guys think?

"We Finally Turned This Shit Around," Inebriated College Students Report

College students in Burlington, Vermont are excited that a liberal Democrat wins the Presidential election. The Free Press is there...

If you were within two miles of Church Street last night, you might have heard students shouting "this is our fucking country, too!" and "Who is tired of everyone else run our fucking lives?!" They eventually broke line and chanted "Obama!" for a few minutes before updating their twitter status on their cell phones.

Some even took their shirts off in the name of democracy while shouting "USA! USA! USA!" followed by the European soccer chant, "Oley, oley, oley, ohhhh-ley!"

Finally, they concluded their celebration with "No more Bush!" and a spirited rendition of "We Finally Turned This Shit Around, No Blood For Oil!" The popular college student hymnal dates back centuries.

Young voters were not the only ones excited, it seems. A 34 year-old man on North Street "shots" 18 rounds in Burlington neighborhood to express his joy of Obama's victory.

If nothing else, Wednesday, November 5, 2008 will prove that it's not just politics as usual.

Enjoyed Studying Abroad? Considered Fleeing Student Loan Debt Abroad?

With mounting struggles in the finance industry and the declining confidence of the American consumer, debt has never seemed so fashionable! But for some students it may turn to a rags-to-Ragu story.

CNN ran an article last week profiling the phenomenon of students fleeing the country to avoid paying their student loan debts. According to two students, the terms of the loan payments were not clear and before they knew it, the loans were "insurmountable". One student was forced to pay $2300 a month for a Masters degree in Music! That’s a sad song. So what exactly is going on here?

One of the major gripes with private student loans is how the loans affect student credit scores. Many colleges and universities have “preferred” lenders and of course, students borrow from these institutions an estimated 90% of the time. These young, impressionable adults trust the educators. Cute, right? Sometimes the lenders and the universities are in cahoots — leaving the student with higher debt than if they had shopped around for better rates.

New York State Attorney General Anthony Cuomo filed suit against some such universities and lenders last year, resulting in six schools multi-million dollar settlements.  So why don’t students shop around? Well, they’re essentially penalized for their youth and lack of credit. Since lenders quote higher interest rates to applicants with lower scores, some students could end up paying thousands of dollars more in interest over the life of their loans. This is damaging to students now more so than ever as banks and lenders are less accepting of home equity loans from parents who might co-sign loans. There are also higher minimum scores in some lending houses.

The Best Careers in the Best State This Saturday at Champlain College!

Fellow students — if finding your dream job after college is important, clear your Saturday schedule! The Vermont 3.0 Career Jam will be at Champlain College on the 25th to dispel the rumor that there are no jobs in Vermont.

No, you won’t find any covered bridge engineers or sugarers here. Fortunately, from real-life CSI’s, to video game designers, to professional facebookers, to robot makers and tons more — there are some extremely cool jobs at the Career Jam. Some of the most dynamic jobs and most innovative professionals, not just in Vermont, but nationally, will be participating in panel discussions throughout the day.

So, who are the players, you may be asking? Take a look:

Definitely check out Steve Benen at 10 a.m. Benen is a blogger and contributor to The Washington Monthly. His background includes publishing The Carpetbagger Report, and writing for the Huffington Post, and The Guardian. He has also appeared on NPR's "Talk of the Nation," MSNBC's "Rachel Maddow Show," Air America Radio's "Sam Seder Show," and XM Radio's "POTUS '08." If you’re interested about making a career as a blogger, or even a journalist, this is your guy! This is not just some college blogger working for a local paper, this guy is big! A must-see!

But if blogging and political reporting doesn’t cream your coffee at that hour, listen to Nate Herzog, Director of Information Services at JDK Design. Before JDK he worked for MIT in the support division of the IS/IT Department where he was a support specialist, system administrator, and technical writer. This bears mention--his college degree was in English literature… and then he worked in technology at MIT. There is absolutely no way this guy will be a bore with a skill set like that.

How To Avoid The Hangover

When you wake up on the couch (or in some cases walk-in closets), wearing a tutu and one sock with a mouth of sandpaper and a splitting headache, it’s often the consequence of a really good (or bad) night.

The dreaded hangover has already set in and you’re in for a long, miserable ride on the pain train. All kinds of people have their own methods of eliminating or at least reducing the hangover. Some mix honey with tea, others drink a glass of whatever their previous night’s poison was, and some may even consult witchdoctors to shrink their heads, chant hymnals and cleanse the body with the blood of herd animals. But do any of these methods work? Is there even a way to cure a hangover?  Yes and no. The only true guaranteed way to cure a hangover is to not drink — but with the right steps, you can drink and still avoid it.

Jumpin' Out of Airplanes, No Big Deal.

October in Vermont = best time of the year. Not only is the birthday I share with Eminem just around the corner, but autumn is also when the Green Mountain State truly shines. Suddenly, the radiant foliage emerges, creating majestic landscapes that, as a friend of mine once observed, even the most eloquent person is reduced to "Wow, that is so pretty. I am happy."

Even though traffic becomes slightly congested with leaf-peeping caravans, the unbearable summer humidity finally transforms into crisp hair-tingling breezes. This is the time, my friends, to truly carpe diem and take advantage of all Vermont has to offer. During the next four weeks, I will promote various opportunities to help turn your life into a feel-good-movie-montage.

Opportunity #1: Jump out of a plane.

On Tim McGraw's country smash hit "Live Like You Were Dying" — don't judge me — he lists skydiving as his first step to, well, live like he was dying. Agreed, Tim, agreed.

My freshman year, I, along with nine friends — the more people, the bigger the discounts — ventured to West Addison, VT for an afternoon of death-defying fun (just look at that sheer ferocity, or fear, as a I tie my shoes before heading up). Vermont Skydiving Adventures (VSA), owned by Ole Thomson, who has more than 8,500 jumps under his belt, is located approximately an hour from Burlington and provides stunning views of the Adirondacks, Greens and, if you're lucky, "Champ" the monster.

VSA offers a variety of services, ranging from a first-time tandem to cheaper jumps for all you experienced divers. While the prices can burn a minor hole in your pocket, the feeling of falling out of a moving vehicle at 12,000 feet truly justifies it. Check out their website at http://www.vtskydiving.com for more information, and start making a killer Fall 2008 mix — Tom Petty's "Free Fallin'" and "Learning to Fly" are good starters.

The Chain Gang

I work at a chain restaurant. Every now and then I’ll see someone pick up a job application and watch as they puzzlingly read the “Are you looking for a place to belong?” catch phrase. Do they belong?

College students and college graduates with degrees in art history, psychology or English:

Have you wasted potentially four years of money and time on a field you are passionate about? Are you really broke? Are you looking for an unskilled job where you can make up to $30 an hour waiting on hordes of elderly, the great unwashed and French Canadians? Are you capable of participating in Machiavellian politics and initiating senseless drama rivaling that of high school? Do you feel a strange need to form entangling alliances and recreate World War 1 politics while carrying hot food? A local chain-restaurant is looking for you!

Outcasts and poor communicators:

Are you combative and lack the social skills needed to communicate with co-workers to ensure that tensions always run red hot? Can you put food in a microwave; turn a steak with tongs or a drop a basket into hot oil? Are you capable of putting dishes through a machine and then stacking them on a shelf? Is the hostility of a prison something you’d like to recreate at a job once you begin parole?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, apply today!

It’s been said that college is more about the overall experience of going out, meeting people, and gaining maturity and job skills than it is about attending classes and writing papers. If this is the case, I highly recommend looking for a job at a local chain restaurant. The combination of ineptitude, cyclical feuding and the camaraderie of serving patrons who make your life a living hell, is something to be cherished over these formative collegiate years.

"How to approach and meet a girl in your class"...oh my.

A few weeks back in Seven Days, Mistress Maeve dispensed some advice to a college guy on how to meet girls in school. I am no relationship sage, but I think her tips are better than, erm, the "follow a girl and set up a pseudo-coincidental meeting" method that this chap advocates:

Hey, whatever works for you, man. Whatever works.

(Side note: I had an Anthropology test at 8:30 a.m. the morning after last week's Bands of Burlington showcase, which ran well into the wee hours. Pleased to report that, despite my lack of sleep, ringing ears, and complete dismissal of studying in favor of the show, I got an A on the test. Proof that rock'n'roll is good for you.)

Sodex-Poo

Last month, Seven Days published an article lauding the "green" credentials of UVM-contracted campus food mega-corp Sodexo.

Lots of things come to the minds of us UVM students when we think about Sodexo. Sometimes "green" pops into my head. For example, green is the color my face turns after eating a greasy Sodexho burger sandwiched in a stale bun. Green is the envy I felt towards off-campus students when I lived on-campus and was forced to eat garbage three times a day. Green is what the lettuce in my off-campus fridge looks like, as opposed to to the brown lettuce that sits out all day at the Sodexo salad bar in on-campus dining halls.

The author of the article, Kevin Kelley, did hit all the points of Sodex-dissent among college students.  Yes, Sodexo employees don't get paid livable wages. Yes, Sodexo is a far cry from "local," operating in countries from North America to Europe. True, Sodexo used to sell its services to prisons. But the article did miss one thing: The food sucks. 

Of course, food quality is somewhat subjective, so I won't get into the dull and repetitive menu options,  the low-quality meats, the undercooked pasta, or the fly-filled dining halls. If you want to hear about that, go to Simpson Dining Hall on Redstone campus and ask anyone what he or she has had for dinner for the past two weeks. Or check out what Urban Dictionary — the raw and explicit pulse of American youth — has to say about Sodexo. It's good for a laugh. 

But one thing that is totally objective, totally undeniable, totally known to anyone who lives on campus, and totally gross, is Sodex-Poo.

When you eat Sodexo food, you will take a trip to the bathroom within thirty minutes. Guaranteed. Some think they put laxatives in the food. Others say that our bodies are so disgusted by what's inside it, it pushes it out super-quick. Regardless, Sodex-food becomes Sodex-poo in a matter of minutes. Without fail.

Honestly, some overpaid government bureaucrat should do a study on how much toilet water is used by Sodexo campuses vs. non-Sodexo campuses. I bet all the UVM Sodex-poo flushes alone are grounds for disqualification from the "green" label.

Now that I live off-campus, my bowels are finally back in order. True, I no longer have the privilege of being served prison-quality food by a greenwashed corporate giant, but that's the price I have to pay to go to the bathroom on a regular schedule. And at least I can take solace in knowing that I am helping the environment by not eating on-campus. Now that's truly green.

An Open Letter to VitaminWater

Dear VitaminWater:

On behalf of the St. Michael's College community, thanks for sending some of your college reps by our campus one afternoon last week in a big fancy VitaminWater van to hand out free samples of your product. I still prefer good old fashioned normal water, and in fact I'll probably never spend any money on VitaminWater, but thanks for thinking of me and my dollar, at least.

And while I'm a little leery of letting commercial enterprises set up shop on campus to prey on our young, impressionable, loan-funded minds, I have a larger issue to pick with you. You see, that VitaminWater van has a hell of a potent soundsystem. And on this day, your college reps chose to use that sound system to blast the music of Eddie Money into the eardrums of all and sundry within a half-mile radius. Yes, Eddie Fucking Money.

This seemed like a questionable choice, from a marketing perspective. While you'd be correct in guessing that the majority of St. Mike's students listen to terrible music, their collective taste skews more towards O.A.R. and Dave Matthews Band than towards Top 40 stars of the late 70's and early 80's. Besides, when I'm leaving the academic quad on a weekday afternoon after a boring class that took much too long, I neither expect nor want to be berated by booming music...especially when that music is Eddie Money. Our relatively quiet campus green is something to be cherished, you know? And those poor kids in Joyce Hall — your speakers were pointed right at them. Not even first-years deserve such a fate.

So, while songs like "Two Tickets to Paradise" and "Take Me Home Tonight" are undoubtedly the cherished classics of SOMEONE's youth...they don't apply to us, much. The next time you roll onto our campus to hawk your enigmatically-named, radioactively-colored drinks, please keep the volume down. Or at the very least, pick better music. I hear Rick Astley goes over real well with the college kids.

Bad Cats, Bad!

Some email scorn from the UVM administration:

This weekend has been called by some Burlington residents "the worst ever" in terms of noise, public drunkenness, etc. An e-mail to me highlighted that the behavior this past weekend "disturbed families with young children; working people; and elderly folks. And, in some cases has caused issues for off-campus students who have had groups of people they do not know and have not invited to their homes trying to enter or hanging out outside drawing the attention of neighbors and police."

Citations and tickets for public urination, noise ordinance violation, minors in possession, furnishing for minors, disorderly conduct etc. are no joke at all and besides draining your pockets will remain on your permanent record. I know several people who have experienced this and it's sad to think of something like that defining your time at UVM.

A new semester at the Universitas Viridis Montis wouldn't be complete without an email relaying B-Town's horror at the spectacle of prides of thirsty Catamounts descending from the top of the hill. The same "we had no idea this was coming and now we're totally shocked" attitude from University and City officials is a staple of these electronic scoldings.

But the big Burlington and UVM boss dogs aren't the only ones who experience annual amnesia in this regard. Over the summer, party-hungry Cats consistently forget what to do when a burgeoning Burlington bash gets busted by the bad boys in blue.

Some tips (2012, listen up):

1 - Do. Not. Freak. Out. There's a reason this is at the top of the list. All too often, an early-semester off-campus rager actually gets exacerbated when the po-9 arrive. Amidst the incomprehensible roar of voices comes "Cops!" The birdcall spreads like wildfire: "Cops! Cops!" Before you know it, a stampede ensues. People are running to the back doors, jumping fences, bolting to the basement, trampling over passed-out girls, hiding under tables, breaking shit... Not necessary. If you don't live at the house and you're not completely shit-wasted, just wait patiently. In a few minutes, the po po will ask you to leave, go home, and be quiet. No names, no numbers, no nuffin.

2 - Don't say "Shhh!" I hope this dumb phenomenon is not unique to UVM. When the police arrive, it's because the party is too loud. Cops may not be the sharpest knives in the drawer, but they're not going to be fooled if a 10-alarm rager suddenly goes silent. And besides, when everyone starts yelling "shh," the house doesn't get quiet...it just sounds like there's a serious gas leak coming from everywhere at once. And that sucks. Same goes for turning off all the lights. Just keep your voice down and be patient (see tip 1).

3 - Drop your damn drink.  There's always someone at a busted off-campus party who can't bear to part  with his or her drink and absolutely must smuggle it out of the house, past the watchful eyes of the 5-0. Don't do it. Not only will you look like a total tool, but you'll probably get caught and get slapped with an open container violation ($50) or an underage possession violation ($200-$300). BPD like to shine flashlights on the exit parade, so anything you're concealing will be quite illuminated. Besides, how badly do you need that half-finished Natty Ice?

Being at a busted party is annoying, but it's not the end of the world. Although the semesterly "you guys are so bad when you go off-campus" email is unavoidable, getting stuck at a busted party is not. Underclassmen: don't travel in groups over ten (five is really best), don't go into a party that's already overflowing onto the street, and avoid ragers on main roads (South Union, Pearl, College, etc). And be nice to our townie neighbors...

What A Weekend

So, I had quite an eventful weekend, if I may say so.

Friday evening was, of course, the South End Art Hop, which proved once again to be one of the most awesome things about Burlington. I got to see lots of cool art, mingle with cool people, and hear cool music — although I missed The Cush's set at the JDK design studio because I totally lost track of where I was and ended up at the wrong end of Maple St. But best of all, I got a nifty new Seven Days t-shirt, screenprinted right before my eyes. Awesome.

But speaking of those JDK folks...the launch party they put on in celebration of their book of Higher Ground posters, "1 of 1500," was fantastic. There's something about the concert poster as art that I really dig. The minimalist shapes, the line drawings, and the limited color pallette all really appeal to my artistic sensibilities. Thus, getting to browse JDK's poster-lined hallways was a treat, especially when I'd happen upon a poster or a photograph and realize, "Hey, I was at that show. Awesome." Nice work, JDK peeps.

Saturday was a whole different beast. I drove down to Boston for the day with two of my friends, where we first visited the field trip bastion of my childhood, the New England Aquarium. It's still just as amazing as it was as an elementary schooler. Myrtle the turtle is still swimming circles around that big center tank, and penguin poop is still hilarious. I hope that after I die, I get reincarnated as a leafy sea dragon.

That night we headed over to the Bank of America Pavilion, a soulless, corporate amphitheaters with shitty sound and worse sightlines, to see the greatest live band of our time, My Morning Jacket. I'm pleased to say they didn't disappoint. While the venue didn't hold a candle to the tiny rock club in Montreal I saw MMJ at earlier this year, the band played for about two-and-a-half hours, and rocked solidly for all of them. (Well, not so much when they played "Thank You Too," but I digress.) The highlight for me was their performance of the rarity "Cobra." If you haven't heard that song...find it. Trust me.

Last thing now. You may have heard about Tropical Storm Hanna battering Boston with monsoon-worthy rains on Saturday. Indeed, we were caught in the middle of that. Made the mile-long walk back to the car pretty miserable — my windbreaker stayed waterproof for all of about three minutes, and my shoes didn't dry out until Monday.  The first two hours of the drive back to Vermont were even worse. In fact, it was probably pretty unsafe to travel in that kind of weather. But that was just the capper to the most hectic, eventful weekend I've had in a while...and I didn't even spend it getting drunk.

The Only Math You'll Need in College

Ok, so College Humor is loaded with deliciously entertaining tidbits about college — from orientation to everything after. This snippet delineates a few expert calculations, like the mathematical answer to the Golden Question: "How many pizzas should I order?" The other calculation offered is an equation that will help you determine when you can ditch that one annoying kid who has followed you around since that orientation activity in which you were unfortunately paired up.

My tip for you: Never, ever offer to pay for late-night delivery on your credit card. You won't see that money again. Trust.

The Best 368 Colleges: Mercifully, not as complicated as the BCS.

I haven't put much thought into The Princeton Review's Best 368 College Rankings since I've actually been in college, though they were helpful during the college selection process. But just for fun, I decided to take a look to see what lists St. Michael's had made it on this year. As it turns out, we're number four on the Town-Gown Relations are Great list.

Hold on a second.

SMC is located in this weird little extension of Colchester that's hardly even connected to the rest of the town — we've got the Winooski border up against one side of campus, and Essex on the other. Besides, I've not heard of students here going to Colchester for, well, anything. There's no real reason to go there unless you own an expensive house on Malletts Bay. So maybe The Princeton Review means that our school has great relations with the Burlington area as a whole? (Yeah! Take that, UVM! They like us more because we don't leave trails of destruction all over The Hill!)

Then again, I was at Old Spokes Home last week getting my bike repaired when I overheard somebody talking about how he couldn't go on his usual run at the Catamount Outdoor Center in Williston that day because the place was mobbed with two vans of "obnoxious St. Mike's kids" there for some kind of training. Great relations, indeed.

SMC also made the Best Quality of Life list, in 14th. This is because our school is full of happy drunks who really only require a 30-rack of Bud Light to consider their lives of high quality.

Elsewhere in the area, UVM unsurprisingly came in 15th on the Birkenstock-Wearing, Tree-Hugging, Clove-Smoking Vegetarians list, and 4th on the Reefer Madness list. Ah, just missed out on the medal podium for pot smoking, Catamounts. Feel free to refute (or confirm) your school's hippie stereotype in the comments section.

Those overachievers at Middlebury College made a whole bunch of lists. Seems appropriate that a school with great campus food would run like butter--ah, those clever Princeton Review wordsmiths! And you Middlebury folks really love your professors, huh?

Lastly, Champlain and Burlington Colleges didn't make any lists. Ouch.

The Ten Commandments of College

Now this is classic.

College Humor has re-posted The Ten Commandments of College, a list that I remember from my freshman year at St. Mike's all those years ago. It got me through the tough times when I didn't know what to do with all of my freedom.

My fave:

I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend's room. And God said, if you don't nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was good.

The others are a bit more scandalous, but just as true. From what I've heard, anyway.